Written: Aug 18, 2019
Last Update: Sept 27, 2019
Today’s post is just a random blog that was motivated by my lack.
I have a membership at a health center that I signed up because of their swimming facility. I have decided in staying healthy, and in the process of getting rid of, about, two inches off of my belly. At least that is my hope. It is harder than it sounds btw 🙂
As I am currently living on my savings, I could come out and say that I could do without the health center membership. However, I have made a conscious decision to stay healthy, as I will have to marry someone much younger than me for me to have children. Basically, I already brought something negative to marriage (my age), I didn’t want my health to be another negative factor (I want to be there for my future wife as long as possible). As such, I make 2 ½ hour round trip every time I go for a swim.
I went for a swim yesterday, and I ran into someone asking for some money during my stop at a gas station. I was in a hurry, as I knew that the swimming pool would close in about an hour and a half. As I was getting ready to fuel up, I saw that a man was coming in my direction, and I immediately knew that he wanted money from me.
I guess I could stop right here and say that I just made a judgment call about a man that I have never seen. If I say it in a more negative manner, I just judged him. For now, I will just say that I made my decision based on the guy’s facial expression and the way he carried himself as he was approaching me.
Well, sure enough, he came up to me asking for some money. He made a passing gesture about the hot weather, and he told me that he got a wife with him and started asking for any help that I could give to him. There was no other explanation or anything. Nothing. Summary: He walked to me, made a passing gesture about the weather, told me he was married, and asked for money.
I immediately apologized to him and told him that I don’t carry around cash with me, which is the truth. I am sure many of the readers are the same nowadays. Well, the guy immediately turned around and left.
Jesus Didn’t Require Justification
At this point, I had mixed feelings. Even though I had told him the truth by telling him that I didn’t carry around cash with me, the quickness with which I told him that got to me. Yes, I was in a hurry to get to the swimming pool, and it would have been nice if that was the reason for the quickness of my response, but it wasn’t. The real reason for my quick response was the ingrained idea, deep inside of me, of guys going around asking for money while not doing anything productive to earn it.
I had decided, long ago, that I would not debate with myself over whether the people that ask me for money deserve help from me or not. Why? Because Jesus didn’t do that either. No one on earth that is, currently, saved is saved because they deserve salvation by God. If Jesus didn’t debate with himself over my qualifications (or others’ qualifications), by what authority do I debate over whether they deserve help from me or not? I don’t have any authority. None.
Long story short, since then, I have made conscious decisions to give money when I had it, but an ingrained idea is hard to get rid of. My curt response to the guy was evidence of that.
“With me having decided to leave my job to start this ministry, I should have done better!” I told myself. And what stuck in my mind was the guy’s so-called “approach.” He had told me nothing that compelled me to give. He simply told me that he had a wife and that he wanted money.
I found myself critiquing his approach! Imagine that. Not only did I reject him quickly, I even ended up critiquing him on his approach!
Difficulty of Unprepared Compassion
Then a thought hit me. “I could have asked for his story to cover for his ‘deficiency.’” If I had simply had the compassion to ask for his story, I wouldn’t find myself critiquing him, and I could have at least shared with him Jesus. Then I would have remembered that I had coins that I had kept inside of my car for when I ran into a toll gate.
I lack so much. I want to serve the Lord like a future pastor (future me) should. Being the self-critical guy that I am, I am so far from a man that I should be. I ask for your prayers. Thank you!
Russel
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